Without A Name
by SnowyNeko
Summary: She's never seen people before. As far as she knows, she might be the only one of her kind. She's always been alone, always surviving. And then she's found by a group of kids who've wandered off against the rules and is brought into society. She thinks she's finally found her place among her own kind, but when the one she wants as a mate begins acting strange, everything crumbles.
1. Chapter 1

So I kept telling myself I should do one of the more popular animes. You know, FMA, Death Note, Attack on Titan, one of those. It obviously didn't happen. I ended writing this on Shinsekai Yori (from the new world), which doesn't have even a hundred fanfiction works on this site. And I should probably mention that I've never seen Tarzan before, so this has no intended relation to it. I was explaining this chapter to a friend and she said it was like Tarzan, so I thought I should point out that I have not even seen it. I've been thinking about it, though. Anyway, I'm back! I was dormant for about a month, looking back. I went through about five different story ideas before being really inspired with this one. Trust me, I tried the three animes mentioned above. I got a few chapters into the Attack on Titan one before admitting it was crap, and I had no idea where to go with the Death Note story. I didn't even start writing the FMA idea I had, so maybe I'll write it in the future. But maybe not. Oh, and before you get reading, her name is Kyie. Not KyLie, but KYIE. Pronounced Ky-ee. Just saying.

* * *

The forest is unsettled. The usual clicks of the most common inhabitants aren't to be heard, and the songs of the tree creatures are off. I've never heard it like this. It sends shivers through me, making my thin fur stand on end. Something is dangerous. Not even the little things that buzz and choke through the light and dark venture to make their sounds. Brightness still illuminates the world, but even it seems weary. I can't see the source through the leaves.

I remain crouched to the ground, the long fur atop me draping to hide my body. The colors of most of the other animals blend into the forest with ease, but I feel like one of those that shines like the sphere above. Only my dark fur can hide me, but for some reason it only grows long on my head. I can't move without being visible because of that.

Twigs snap and I whirl my head to find the cause, ducking down to conceal myself farther. A familiar noise fades into existence. My breath escapes me, but I quickly gather it back. I've never understood, but every now and again I'll push out my air. I've tried to go without it before, but I always end up claiming a ton of it soon after. Now, every time I let it out so forcefully, I act with haste to get it back.

The noise emits from a small group of animals that I haven't seen for a while. The light has gone and returned at least four times since, but they're usually a regular sight. They have a sort of communication that I've been able to learn. It was difficult, more difficult than that of the tree creatures or the smaller ground ones, but if I need to I could give them what I want them to know. Still, there is much I don't understand. Their communication system is much more vast than that of the other animals. I find them interesting for a different reason, though. They don't have any fur, not even on their heads. They instead cover themselves with furs of animals they've killed.

" _...-er Colony is closing in, but the arrival of the gods will ensure our victory, surely."_ I don't recognize the last sound, but the rest I comprehend. One of the other groups seems to be coming after them. I guess that means they're fighting, which would explain the tension heavy in the forest. The gods, though. They've mentioned them, but always as a faraway thing. Arrival...if I understand, that means the gods are among us. I wonder what they look like. A living thing that isn't an animal. I've never seen something like that. I thought it was only animals that could breathe, or eat, but they say that the gods do that, too.

" _Yes, but the gods are young,"_ one says to the one who spoke before. " _Can they handle an entire army?"_

An army? What is that? But I do know what it means when they say the gods are young. It means they're little, but they'll get bigger. I wonder if gods are the type that need to be watched over until they're full sized, or if they can survive without parent. I'd think they'd need a parent, because from what I've heard about them, they reside in colonies like these creatures.

One of them smacks the one who asked. " _Don't doubt the gods, or they won't help us! And be quiet! Scouts aren't supposed to talk or we'll be found."_ I add the word _Scout_ to my mind, listing that they shouldn't talk or be seen. I wonder why they can't. Silent from then forward, they walk past me without noticing my presence. Maybe I'm a scout of sorts, since I hide from them and do not make any sound.

I cross my legs, leaning back against a tree. If there is fighting, it's best if I stay hidden. Besides, this is a perfect place for something like that. Trees and bushes shroud me and there is a stream corner visible from where I sit. Surviving without moving here for a couple of days should not be too difficult.

Normally I would listen to the sounds of life, but at this moment they resonate within me wrong. I instead occupy my time watching the marching of the tiny, black ground crawlers. I've always held wonder towards these little black creatures. Many of them carry thick leaves much larger than them themselves. I imagine it to be like me, trying to move a large stone across the ground. Even though I struggle immensely, they can cover distances quicker than I can carrying things, despite my advantage in size.

A pair of pointy nosed grey yappers prance by, calling to each other as they play. The smaller one, the female, manages to wrestle the male to the ground before they dash off. I rub below my collarbone, a growing discomfort sprouting there. It's not itchy, but it sort of hurts. When will I find my mate? Every animal I've come across finds one at some point, sometimes many, but what is there to be my mate? Where are the others of my species?

My eyes begin to droop and I loll my head to the side, about to close my eyes. I meet the eight black dots of a prickly creature unlike any other. Screeching, I lunge to my feet too fast and stumble, falling backwards through the foliage. I scramble to gain my foot, turning to run-

-and freeze, a nearly naked animal staring down at me. Both of us stare at each other, wide eyed. Like the advanced creatures from before, it wears something resembling the skins of other animals, and yet it's like the skins of no animals I have ever encountered. However, what really stops me in my tracks is the fact that what little fur it has grows on the top of its head. It's darker than mine, and doesn't hang down as long as mine, but it's so very similar.

Then it hits me. Could this be it? Could this be the male of my kind? I inch closer, curious, and he doesn't back away. It's true, he smells male, but it's very subtle. It makes me think he must've been in the river recently, since his scent has seemingly been washed away. I push to my feet, rising. At my full height, he's still slightly taller than I, which only supports his being male. The males in nature tend to be bigger than the females.

He turns his head away, his originally pale face changing to red. I grin with delight. So our species does this, too! There are certain species that change color when they meet a mate. So we turn red. Does that mean I, too, have turned colors? I hold my hands out, but they don't seem to have changed. It must be an aspect only the males have. The sounds that come from his mouth are unfamiliar to me, but I don't care.

He reaches to the outer layer of animal skins around his body and slips it off, holding it out to me. When I don't react, he comes closer. He holds the skin wide, as if trying to cover me. Alarm shocks through me and I bare my teeth, keeping an eye on the skins. Seeing this, he retracts.

Steadying my breaths, I return my attention to the male before me. He still refuses to look directly at me. He takes a deep breath and once more tries to communicate. "What's you're name?"

Indeed it is something I've never heard before. Learning to communicate with him shall be vital, though, if I am to stay with him.

He directs his finger to himself, pointing. "I'm Shun. And you are?" He turns his finger to me. I copy the action, pointing at myself. Still, I don't understand and end up looking at him blankly. Releasing his air, he turns his finger back. "Shun. My name...is….Shun." He points to me yet again. "You?"

His tone is one of confusion. He wants me to give him knowledge. Is he asking if I am of his species? He seems to be calling himself Shun, so is that what we are? Shun?

I point to myself and do my best to match his pronunciation. "Shun."

He shakes his head and again turns his finger around. It seems he's caught on that he must do that, or I won't be able to understand. "Shun." For the last time, he aims his finger at me. This time, he simply tilts his head to one side in question. So, he means I am not a Shun? That he is, and I am not, is that what he's trying to tell me? But surely we are the same. Does he mean male and female? How do I ask him? If Shun is the word for male, what is it for female?

I furrow my brow, digging my nails into the side of my leg. A small growl emerges from my throat in frustration. I wish there were a way to understand him, but my ability to control things only goes as far as to make them move, not interpreting noises. It's taken long for me to learn the communication systems of the usual forest creatures.

A breeze drifts through the forest, ruffling the branches. _shuuuuuunnnn_. Something clicks together and I relax. He must like that sound a lot, to identify himself with it. I point to him.

"Shun." I point back to myself and pause. If he is Shun, just him, then what am I? What is a sound that I like so much I want to be known as it? There's the rushing of the water, the chirping of the tiny creatures….but the tree creatures make the sounds that carry me into sleep when the darkness approaches. Their singing always calms me. "Kyie. Kyie."

"Kyie?" he repeats. I like the call even more when it comes from his mouth. I nod enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear. "Kyie, then. Would you mind wearing some clothes?" He steps closer to me, and I let him. "Although, I don't think you know what I'm saying, do you?"

Once again, he holds out the animal skin. I recoil, and he stops. Then, he sticks his arms back through them. He spins, then takes it off again. He repeats this action three times before holding the skins out to me once more.

Oh, I get it now. He wants me to put it on, like the way he did. I wonder what the purpose of such a thing is. It certainly doesn't look like effective camouflage, but his entire midsection and parts of his legs are wrapped in it. Perhaps they keep him warm, like animal fur. But it's warm enough without that right now, so why does he need it?

"It's okay, Kyie." Whatever he's trying to communicate, his tone of voice slows the rhythm in my chest. "I'm not going to hurt you, Kyie. I promise." He comes closer to me, close enough that I could reach out and touch him, but I don't. He does first. He lifts my arm and guides it through the holes in the animal skin, doing the same thing with my other arm. When he's finished, he pulls it together in front of me and does something so that it stays together even when he takes his hands away. Then, he extends his hand to me."Come on, Kyie. You can come back with us."

After examining his hand, I come to the conclusion he wants me to give him one of my own. I'm reaching to take it when the loud crunch of a big animal draws my attention behind him. Seeing my tension, he glances back to find what I'm looking at.

Two more with the same appearance crash through the green, breathing heavily. One has fur nearly as long as mine, brilliantly red, and the has other short, curly and light. They both stare at me just as Shun and I had done mere minutes ago.

"Who's she?" the red one communicates to Shun. "And why is she almost naked?"

"Does it matter?" the lighter one pants. "We need to keep running!" Fear is written plainly on his face, the most primal instinct of any creature, causing my guard to rise once more. I knew something was wrong! The forest is twisted. It has been for some time.

Shun points to the light one. "Mamoru, and that one," he switches to the red, "Maria."

I take a moment to shake off the unease and copy his points. "Mamoru, Maria." I point to him, "Shun," and then myself. "Kyie."

"Yes, good job!" Whatever he means to convey, I understand that he is pleased, so I smile again. I pause, though, before motioning to all of us and tilting my head in question. So each, as an individual, has a specific call, but what are we called as a whole? We are not the tree creatures, nor the small crawlers, nor those colony things from before, although there are a few glaring similarities.

He thinks for a moment, ignoring the sounds coming from the other two. Then, he motions to us and says, "Humans."

Humans. That is what I am. After all this time, I have finally learned what I am. It feels strange to have a name for it, finally. Humans. We are humans. Okay, I will accept that title.

But, what are humans?

* * *

But what are humans? I love that line. It was really fun writing this encounter, and really hard at the same time. I had to get her to somehow understand Shun without speech, so it involved a lot of pointing. I originally had both of them use cantus against each other, but then I realized Shun would have had his cantus sealed at this point in time. That realization left me extremely disappointed, but I changed flying leaves into him simply trying to get her to wear his coat. Did it work? I wish I could've used the other scene, but that would have contradicted the actual story. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go rest my mind. Writing a new fanfiction while tackling finals is not ideal. I'll post again when finals are over.

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	2. Chapter 2

So last time I didn't mention if I'd include detail of her appearance or not. If you've never read my work before, I leave out physical descriptions of the main characters so you can imagine them however you wish or put yourself in their place. I might not do that this time, because of how I wrote the first chapter. I mentioned that her hair isn't as dark as Shun's, and that he is slightly taller than her. I did this because she was comparing herself to him, but if you want me to do what I usually do, I leave other details out. That is basically what I plan on doing, but if you guys want me to put in a description of her just this once I'll do it. Anyway, let's get on with it. I'm sure you didn't open this story to listen to me ramble on about utter nonsense.

* * *

"Saaaakiiii! Wake up!"

She groans, rolling over to face me. "What, Kyie? It's not morning yet."

"Get up! You were saying yesterday that you haven't seen the sunrise in years!" I rip off her sheets a grab her arm, yanking. "Come on! It'll give us more time to get ready for school, anyway!"

"You're so rough," she mumbles, groggily forcing open her eyes. "You really haven't changed much in the past two years." The curtains fly open at my will, revealing a gradually brightening sky. I pull her into a sitting position and we gaze out the window, patient. After a moment of silence, Saki turns to me. "Are you even sure that this window faces east?"

"It does," I assure her. My inner compass is never wrong. You'd think that after fourteen years she'd know that you can see the sunrise from her own room. She slouches next to me as I sit straight. Colors begin to bloom from the dark, spreading like a drop of blood in water. The glowing orb of light, which I've learned is called the sun, peeks over the horizon tentatively. Back when I lived outside of the barrier, I would wake up to this every morning. It being out dictated my being awake since I had no concept of fire. During the winter, that schedule would get messed up, though, since I'd simply find an abandoned animal hole and reside there, barely venturing out and using cantus to bring myself the necessities. Then, it would be dark most of the time. It wouldn't get much brighter from night to day from my vantage point under ground.

Saki, however, isn't usually up to witness the sun's awakening. Even with sleep still crusted in the corners of her eyes, she watches in awe as the sun makes its grand entrance. I smile in satisfaction, seeing her enraptured expression.

Over the past two years, I've been able to adapt to living among humans fairly well. That isn't to say I'm not still different. I wasn't raised with the others, after all. No one is even sure of my exact age, or how I ended up in the wild in the first place. Their language is complicated, even more so than the monster rats that I grew up hearing. Being surrounded by it constantly, though, I've been able to pick up enough to effectively communicate with them. My thoughts, however. If one were to ever learn to read another's mind, mine would be utterly unreadable. I've tried thinking entirely in the language of the humans, but however many years I spent out there without contact can't be erased in two measly years. I am very well aware that I am the only one who could ever hope understand the jumble of different languages stuffed into my brain.

"School now?" I ask, lightly tugging at the sleeve of Saki's night clothes. There's another word she uses to specify them, but night clothes is easier for me to say. She points out to me every now and again that my pronunciation is still unique, almost like an accent. When I asked what an accent was, she simply told me it was when someone speaks weirdly because they come from a far away place. There are still some words I have trouble saying.

She sighs, which is another thing that I've discovered since coming here. Letting go of breath like that won't hurt me. Everyone does it, and it's kind of like another word in the way it can convey emotions.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to see this so badly?"

"Yes, but I only wanted you to see it," I state. "I've seen it a billion times before. I want to get to school so we can be there when Shun arrives!"

"Change into your uniform, first," she orders, hauling herself from her bed. Then she seriously looks at me, sighing yet again. "Nevermind then. Let me change. We'll grab breakfast and go."

"Okay!" I sit crisscross as I always do, waiting. She throws her clothes off and on and I hop off the bed to join her to go downstairs. Her mom stands by the fire pit, removing the rice from the heat. She looks up at us in surprise.

"You girls are up early," she muses. "Is there something special happening today?"

I shake my head, Saki saying, "Nope."

"Well, the rice is the only thing ready since I didn't expect you. If you'd wait a bit longer-"

"Rice is fine," I insist, plopping myself down at the table. She hesitates for a second, looking to her actual daughter. Saki shrugs and comes to sit next to me.

"Well, if you say so," she complies. When we're served, I have to sit motionless and remind myself not to rush. Nothing will come to steal it away, and I won't need to seek shelter from anything. I'm already _in_ a shelter. A sturdy one, that animals don't barge into unpredictably. I can and should take my time eating meals. I pick up the spoon and begin to eat. She uses two sticks to eat, but since I've never used them before, she says that a spoon would suit me better.

After a few mouthfuls, a hand rests on my arm. "You're still too quick when you eat." I pause, locking eyes with Saki before swallowing. I wait until Saki begins to eat, then match her pace the best I can. It's excruciatingly slow, but she says if it's done much faster there's the risk of not being able to breathe. She calls it choking.

I shovel the last spoonful into my mouth and leap to my feet, fidgeting while I wait for Saki to finish. It doesn't take more than ten seconds, but it's still too long. She waves goodbye to her mom, as do I, as we slip our shoes on at the front door.

"Thank you, Mizuho!" I thank her mom and take off after Saki, who's already walking away. Faintly, I hear Mizuho mutter to herself, "Will that girl ever call me mom?"

I won't ever, much to her disappointment. Saki says that moms and dads are parents who raised you, take care of you, and birthed you. It's very akin to the parents in the wild, except the husbands almost always stay with the wives and raise the children of humanity. I don't know of my mom, though, nor my dad. I haven't the slightest clue as to who they might be, but they must exist somewhere. Even if I never meet them, they are still my parents. That means Mizuho cannot be my mom, because a creature can only have one mom and one dad. I like Mizuho, though. I hope that if we ever discover my parents' identities, I can convince them to live with the Watanabes. Colony animals sometimes do that, if I am not mistaken.

Another thing I've learned is that the human race are what the monster rats call gods, and humans are in fact a species of animal. The fact that they are also animals makes them a bit easier to understand, although they also are certain that plants like trees and flowers are living things that aren't animals. I can't bring myself to quite believe that, even if everything else they've said has seemed right so far.

"Kyie." _SNAP._ I blink, footsteps coming to a halt. Saki removes her fingers from in front of my face. "We're here."

Sage Academy. I really like this place. Not only do I get to see Shun while I'm here, but I also learn more about humanity. Their social system is about as complicated as their language, if not more, and their stories are particularly interesting. There's one about a fiend, or a cantus user who kills other humans. The reaction among everyone to this story is absolute terror and confusion, which is something I personally find strange. It isn't that unusual for animals in the wild to do off with another of their species, whether it be for a mate or territory, but apparently such a thing is abhorred within the circle of humans. Saki says that such an act is simply unthinkable. Shun, however, told me in private a better reason. For survival, it seems that if a human were to kill another human, their brain would trigger something and they themselves would die. That way, killing among the same species is punishable by death so they can reproduce and spread more effectively.

"Saki! Kyie!" The sound of Shun's voice is more than enough to tear me from my thoughts. He hovers around the entrance, Satoru hanging on him as he has been for the past few weeks. Something about that contact rubs me wrong, but I ignore it. They aren't fighting. On the contrary, they're actually very close friends.

I break into a sprint, barreling into Shun and wrapping my arms around him. He stumbles back, Satoru supporting him from behind. Hugging is a form of communication that I caught onto very quickly. This sort of squeezing contact is something done to one whom a human wants to claim as their own. Shun is definitely mine. Satoru, however, fails to understand this. I've considered that he might be declaring war on me, but I don't think so. Someone so friendly to me would not fight me over a mate. And besides, Shun and Satoru are both males. Since I am a female, only I would be a suitable mate for Shun. Satoru can have Saki. They don't seem to dislike each other.

"Every morning," Shun gasps, patting my back. I release him, but not giving up his arm. I've noticed, of course, that other females of the human species don't cling to their mates so much, but the pairs I see are all determined as mates. Shun still hasn't officially made me his yet, so I need others to know that he is mine until he does. There is no way I'm losing him to another female. Besides, only my cantus rivals Shun's. All the others don't even come close.

"Every morning," I repeat in confirmation. Even though his tone before was exasperated, he still smiles at me. One of the oddest things about humans is humor. They'll pretend to be angry, but in actuality they're sometimes just making playful remarks. I've only just gotten used to that bit of humanity.

With Satoru on Shun's other side and Saki behind us, we enter the school together. My seat is right next to Shun's. On my first day of school, I kicked out the student who sat there first. The teacher, a sort of temporary pack leader, tried to tell me I couldn't sit there, but he backed down when I growled at him. He's not intimidating at all, but I don't like him. I never have. Something about his smiles seem false to me. When we read the stories of fiends and karmic demons, he's always the one who sweats the most.

Unlike the other children, I sit crisscross on my chair without my feet touching the ground. It's how I've always sat, and I don't see it as something imperative to change to fit in. Red-head Maria is already floating around the room, making her way towards Saki. As Saki unpacks the glass bottle she's been working with for the past few days, Maria grabs her from behind in a suffocating embrace. Satoru, in front of me, concentrates strenuously to create a flat, reflective surface.

In front of both Shun and me are chick eggs, his white and mine spotted. According to the teacher, they're both chicken eggs. He wants us to make them hatch in less than two hours. Shun's gaze is locked onto his egg, but mine wanders aimlessly, trying to keep my mind off the thought of eating the egg. Bird eggs were some of my favorite treats, when I managed to get ahold of one in the wild. It's kind of weird for me to now consider them as living things before they hatch.

The jingle of metal against metal draws my attention back to Shun. Hanging around his neck is a blue heart on a chain. The heart representing love is something I've never understood, but the sight of it flares a warning signal. I didn't give that to him! Why is he wearing something like that from someone else?

He glances up, meeting Saki's eyes, before looking away and going over to Satoru. Leaning close at his side, he compliments his project. Satoru refuses it, but smiles and edges closer to Shun. When he moves, the almost inaudible clank of the metal reaches my ears.

Heat gathers in my blood. It's unreasonable, since they're both males, but all of my instincts are screaming that he is an obstacle, an opponent. He's getting between Shun and me.

Frustrated, I look to the egg in front of me. _Hatch_ , I tell it. _Hatch so Shun will look at_ me _!_ I remember what it's like to watch a nest of songbirds hatching in the spring and force that imagery onto the egg.

My blood settles when a crack appears in the shell, all eyes in the room turning to me. My lips twitch into a smile and I lift my head to meet Shun's gaze, but he's still absorbed in whatever Satoru is doing. Even as he does so, he shifts his attention over to Saki periodically, as if watching to make sure she's looking. A growl sprouts in my throat, my teeth bared. Which one is it? Which one of them, who isn't me, has his attention? Why is he looking at them and not me? I can hatch this egg before even he can, something no one else in the class has the ability to do! I am the most capable, and therefore the most obvious mate! So why won't he look at me?

"Good job!" I half fall out of my seat when the teacher speaks, realizing he's standing directly beside me. "It's only been fifty two minutes since I gave you the assignment!" He leans down and inspects the chick emerging from the egg. "However, next time try not to change its species. We're looking for a chicken, not whatever this is."

All I hear is that he's not satisfied, and I'll be doing it again. The wet, feeble baby stumbles from its home, the only sanctuary it's ever been familiar with, and emerges into the new world. It identifies me as its mother, since I am the first thing it sees, and begins to sing. It begs for food and care, shivering pitifully. No mother bird extends a protective wing to help it.

* * *

I can already hear a couple people thinking Yandere, and in this case, you might be right. I didn't realize until after I really got into writing it, but she undoubtedly has qualities of a Yandere. Can you blame her, though? She isn't exactly accustomed to manners, or social norms. She can't even fathom Shun belonging to someone else, simply because the moment she saw him, she registered his existence as hers. Such a strong decision would have to take a lot of pressure to change. On a completely unrelated note, I got my first anime DVD yesterday! It's FMA, the full series! It's not Brotherhood, though, if that's what you're thinking. I'm having some friends over to watch it later.

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	3. Chapter 3

So guys. Tornado warnings. Those are pleasant. Anyway, I'm hiding out in a basement with my cousins. Isn't this the perfect way to spend the days leading up to Christmas? I've already actually opened most of my presents, which were almost entirely manga, but there are still more. I think. I hope so, anyway. There are still a couple things left on my wishlist. I have done a little bit of self gifting, which is growing in popularity and showing just how narcissistic the generations are getting. I got these two tops that I can officially count as the first actual gothic pieces in my wardrobe. Is it weird that I get really excited when I wear them? They just make me feel really cute, but I get stared at when I'm in public and it makes me hesitant to wear them out. My life's struggle.

Now that I've finished ranting, please enjoy the actual content you came for.

* * *

"Did they break up?"

My ears pick up the murmurs from the group in front of me without trouble. It was Maria who spoke, I think directing her question towards Saki. I stare at the two of them, disregarding poor Mamoru who's ignored by both of the girls. Saki and Maria are very close, as close as Satoru and Shun appeared to be only a few days ago. That wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that I saw them kissing the other day. I had thought I'd picked up on the meaning behind that particular action, but now I'm not so sure. I thought it had something to do with being a mate of another, but two females cannot be mates.

Their conversation continues on, mentioning Shun and Satoru multiple times. I can't say I'm not curious as well. They're closeness suddenly dissipated a few days back, as if it had never existed at all. Satoru still wears the metallic heart around his neck, but the one that used to be Shun's now is in the possession of some other kid called Rei. It's almost like Rei has completely replaced Shun in Satoru's life.

Not that I'm at all against such a thing. Now that Satoru's attention has left Shun, he's all mine. I don't have to see Satoru as an enemy anymore, either. To be honest, though, I never sorted out whether I should have seen him that way to begin with.

Shun has all of his awareness honed in on the egg in front of him, which he's been trying to hatch for days. I've offered to help twice, but he refuted my offers each time. He told me to get mine right, first. I've hatched a grand total of four birds so far, each of a different species, but none of them chickens. I think I'd first have to witness a chick hatching before I could coax one to do it myself. From where he sits next to me, I'm sure he can at least vaguely comprehend what the other three are chatting about, but he doesn't respond to any of their words. It's like he's been stuck in another world, a world that only he can get in and out of. I don't like it.

His hands massage his temples, his eyes downcast in absorption. His hair shadows his expression, but just the stiffness in his muscles gives it all away. His shoulders are hunched to isolate himself further, and barely, only ever so slightly, his breathing and body are shaking with effort.

"Take a deep breath," I advise in a whisper. He sort of angles his head in my direction, but other than that does not break his position. "No one's going to hurt you, so you can relax. You're safe."

Although he's still tense, a bit of the stress evidently melts away when he chuckles. "I said the same thing to you when we first met," he mutters. "Don't worry, no one's going to hurt you. You didn't understand a single word of it."

"I knew you were trying to comfort me. Now it's my turn to comfort you. Breathe slowly. You can't make anything hatch if your body starts gasping for air."

"Thanks." He gives me a small nod. "I'm okay, though."

"No, you aren't, are you? Group animals usually don't separate themselves from the others unless they're sick, and yet you haven't been interacting with anyone for a while." I pause, waiting for him to lift his head and look at me. When he doesn't, I continue. "Shun, what's wrong?"

Both of us flinch when the classroom breaks into a clamor of amazed voices. A man dressed from head to toe in white garments has stepped into the room, the teacher tripping over his feet to greet him.

"Kaburagi Shisei! It is such an honor to have you with us today! Why have you come?" The man addressed and Kaburagi states that he simply wants to look around a regular classroom and begins to pace around the room. The students immediately double their efforts, foreheads creasing when Kaburagi steps near to them. Even with his slow steps, it shows as obvious to me that he's making his way to where Shun and I are, and that his interest lies with him, not me.

I glance again at Shun, who hasn't changed a bit. This is clearly someone to show off to, that people want to impress, and Kaburagi seems to have a keen eye on Shun right now, but Shun is in no shape to show off.

I converge my thoughts onto my egg, imagining the prettiest bird I can remember from outside the boundaries, and pushing the image of one hatching onto the egg. They were truly magnificent creatures, with glistening feathers that shone a deep and attractive blue on their chest, and white feathers on their tails that captured the light of the sun and cast it off in all directions. Their heads were a royal purple, each feather of such a color tipped with the same white as their long, decorative tails. When they flew, the undersides of their wings were solid silver. Their songs, while not as pretty as the _kyie_ sounds I named myself for, would resonate through the forest at the break of day to gently arouse the inhabitants of the forest into awareness. As I think about them, a bizarre sting sets somewhere around my heart.

Of course, the problem is that I've never seen the hatchling version of those birds.

I do my best despite that, trying to see a mini version emerging out of an egg. As Kaburagi gets ever closer, I push the image onto the egg harder, willing this to work. Shun isn't ready yet. He will be, without a doubt, but only with time. He hasn't been using his cantus to survive his entire life.

A pecking starts and my heart is lifted, all traces of the strange feeling from before gone. I smile in relief when Kaburagi hesitates passing, and stops to see what I've done. The cracking begins, spreading, as the little bird begins to break the shell surrounding it.

And then it stops. My smile falls and I lean in closer to inspect it. It's still alive. I can hear its tiny heartbeat if I put my ear next to it. It's no longer trying to escape its shell, though. It's like it caught a glimpse of the light outside, and grew too scared to continue.

"Come on," I urge it quietly. "I'm waiting on you out here." Then my thoughts drift to the past birds I've hatched. Who knows what happened to them? The teacher took them from me before even a minute of their lives had passed, and I haven't seen them since. If this little one emerges, too, then who knows what will happen to it as well? Maybe it's right to stay in there, away from the uncertainty. But if it doesn't come out, it will surely die.

Shivers shoot up my spine when Kaburagi begins to walk again, getting nearer to Shun. They're only about a foot away from each other when Kaburagi seizes, abruptly taking a step back and turning around. He takes his leave of the classroom, followed in suit by the teacher.

Whispers raise within seconds, alarm audible in the voices, but I sit in silence, unsure of whether or not this is a good thing. It was a bad time for that guy to come, so it's good he didn't bother Shun, but the atmosphere is suddenly stifling.

Shun finally raises his head, lips turned up in a twisted grin as he stares after Kaburagi. _That's it,_ I decide, bristling. _This definitely a bad thing. Definitely not good!_

"Okay, class! We'll be taking the rest of the day off," the teacher announces, returning with that fake smile I hate so much. Most of the students revert to their usual cheerful complexions, high-fiving their friends and racing out. Group one stays behind, though, and are the last ones after Satoru urges Rei to go on ahead without him. We all watch Shun cautiously, well aware that something is off. Saki, who I've noticed seems to be the bravest among them, approaches where Shun and I sit.

"Shun," she tries to get his attention. "Shun, we should get going."

At first, I think he may not have heard her, but after a second he nods. "Yeah." He pushes to his feet, but I immediately realize his body isn't supporting itself. I shoot to my feet, barely managing to catch him as he falls. Before I got to him, however, he knocked the egg off the table and I hear it crash on the ground. Wincing at the sound, I wrap my arm around him to hold him upright. He grabs ahold of me, as well, and covers his eyes with his other hand, moaning.

"Sorry, Kyie," he apologizes. "I'm just a bit tired."

The teacher hurries over to us, kneeling where I assume the broken egg landed. "You six should get going. I'll clean this up," he assures us. I refuse to cave into the temptation to growl at him, concentrating on helping Shun out of the classroom and away from this mess.

Once in the hallway, I lower Shun onto the stairs. Satoru inches closer in concern, but doesn't touch him. The girls begin expressing their worry all at once, but I tune them out and keep a close eye on Shun's body language. He's very obviously drained, but stiff in vigilance, scarcely leaning away from the rest of us.

"It's been awhile," Mamoru comments, casting silence upon the rest. "You know, since we've all been together like this."

Maria giggles. "You know, it really has, hasn't it?" Saki joins in her laughter, a smile creeping onto my face. Even with my lips crooked up, though, an unsettled feeling weasels its way into the pit of my stomach.

I sit beside Shun, scooting until our shoulders are touching, and angle my head to try to see under the hair dangling in front of his eyes. He glances over at me and forces a small smile, as if to put me at ease. I can see through it, however. His eyes tell me what his lips do not. He's scared. There is a fear gathering behind those beautiful green eyes of his, a terror stronger than any civilized emotion. No, this is something feral and consuming, something gaining control over his very existence. Within his eyes I see fear for his life, mixed with overwhelming anxiety for me. And, as much as I'd like to think that worry is special for me, it is a concern meant for anyone, everyone close to him.

My arms fly around him and I bury my nose in his hair. He doesn't relax, but doesn't push me away, either. I don't know what to do! Human contact is the most comforting thing to people, but he isn't reacting to it. How do I make him feel better? What is there that I can do to convince him that nothing will happen, that I will protect him? How _do_ I protect him? I don't even know what the predator is, so am I supposed to fight it?

Whatever the others in the group do next, I don't pay them any mind. For this moment, Shun's head against my shoulder and my arms pulling him to me desperately, we are in our own little bubble. If only he would tell me what I could do. If only I could help him, somehow. Seeing him like this sends a stabbing sensation through me, but it must be much worse for him. What can I do?

After all these years I've finally found my mate, the one I'd longed for since I had began to understand that I was different from all the other animals. I finally have him in my grasp, and yet, he's suffering. He's suffering and I can't do anything about it.

I bite my lip and close my eyes, breathing in his scent. _I'm sorry, Shun. I am so, so very sorry I'm useless. I don't know what I can do to help you._

* * *

This has got to be the least popular fanfiction I've posted, unless you count my poems. Apparently no one likes poetry. Anyway, I kind of expected this for this story. Shinsekai Yori isn't the most popular anime out there, and the manga is Yuri. Not my cup of tea. I stopped reading the manga once Shun was gone. I wish more people would watch it, though. Episode eight seems to be a major turn off for a lot of people, but I think it adds to the overall atmosphere of the story. I don't think it was thrown in for fan service, and actually just to prove a point. Whatever that point is is up to the watcher. If anyone is reading this far, go find three friends and show this anime to them. Spread the fandom!

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	4. Chapter 4

Well, Christmas was fun. The family got bigger, though, which means I might have to buy more presents next year. That kind of sucks, but everything else was great! I got a key chain with Uta from Tokyo Ghoul on it. He is so freaking adorable! Save for those times where Kaneki is a total badass, Uta has to be my favorite male character in the series, followed by Touka's brother. But I guess that's another anime, so we should talk about this one. I rewatched a few of the episodes to write these chapters and the upcoming chapters and ended up bringing myself to tears. I swear, episode ten of Shinsekai Yori is one of the best anime episodes out there! It's the embodiment of loneliness, and to some extent, self hatred. Those themes are pretty dark, but I tend to gravitate towards that kind of stuff if you haven't noticed.

Enough! I talk too much! Get to reading! It's what you came for, anyway.

* * *

The sky floats high above us, vividly orange, red, and yellow. It looks more like autumn than the trees, which have only just begun to paint with colors other than green. Water trickles by, at a pace that is neither hasty nor sluggish, preferring an even pace to travel. Every now and again, a bit of it splashes against the side of the canal. The fading grass tickles the bare parts of my skin, giving off a nostalgic smell that makes me miss the forest.

"What do you suppose happened to Shun?"

I look down at Saki, who's lying sprawled in the grass beside me staring at the few wispy clouds that take on paler versions of the colors surrounding them. After school she changed into a pink dress that touches her knees, but I kept on my uniform. It's the only piece of clothing that's actually mine. Everything else I just borrow from her.

"Define 'supposed'," I request.

"Think. What do you think happened to him?" She shifts her head to stare back at me. I meet her gaze for a bit, unresponsive. Giving up, she turns back to the sky.

Shun left once I released him earlier today, and no one has seen him since. He does live a ways away, so he probably went home, but I'm sure everyone had at least one thing they wanted to ask him. I know I have plenty of questions, although I'm not entirely sure how to phrase them all. Then again, even if I could, I don't know if I would ask them anyway.

"I'm worried about him," Saki goes on. "We used to be close, all of us. I'm sure you noticed that for the short period you were with us outside the barrier, even if you didn't know what we were saying. When we got back, though, things sort of fell apart. You needed a guardian, and my parents were happy to volunteer, so I got the duty of watching over you. I don't think Maria has ever really acknowledged your presence, maybe because she feels weary of you, but Mamoru follows her lead on everything." I don't know what the words 'guardian' and 'weary' mean, but I choose to stay silent and let her continue. "That left me to teach you, and Shun whom you cling to. Satoru just kind of...I don't know. He was pretty neutral about you. He didn't really proactively welcome you, but he didn't discriminate." Another few words I don't know. "When he and Shun started going out, they both started distancing themselves. Maria stayed with me, and in turn so did Mamoru, but…"

She trails off, covering her eyes. "I love Maria, I really do, but Mamoru does more! He would do anything for her, and she doesn't even notice him because I monopolize her entirely! What's even worse is that I almost hate him for it! I think that as long as he likes her, there's a possibility he'll take her from me even though she's not mine to begin with! But I might only be using her to get Shun's attention. Aren't I such a terrible person?"

My ears perk up at the mention of Shun's name. I should have anticipated this, considering how ideal he is. Not only is he the most powerful cantus user of his age, save for me, but he's undeniably attractive as well. Not to mention, he's also considerate of others. He is a human female's perfect mate, so of course others like Saki would show an interest in him. I shouldn't be feeling this distaste for her that's bubbling up within me, because she's only feeling what's natural.

"You are not terrible," I defend. "Just confused."

"Thank you," she sniffs. "You really are kind, Kyie. Thanks for staying by me all this time."

I didn't do it out of kindness like she says. She's my guide to humanity, a necessity for me to be able to adapt. I do like her, though, so I keep quiet about that. The wind invades our hush thereafter, carrying my hair out with it.

The crunch of feet on dry leaves betrays the quiet approach of another human, causing me to turn towards the sound while pushing my hair down. When I see the black hair and brilliant emerald eyes, I stumble to rise. Saki notices my activity, realizing my motivation, and hurries to follow me.

"Stay back!" Shun snaps, his steps stalling. I skid to a stop as well, Saki narrowly avoiding running into me from behind. His expression relaxes and he digs into his pocket, bringing out a few iridescent orbs. Using his cantus, he has them circle around his head. "Okay, I think we have time talk for a bit."

"Shun, why must we stay back?" Saki pleads, standing next to me.

"I…" He diverts his eyes, "just want to be alone for a while."

"Is that why you broke up with Satoru?" I glance over at her, confused. Broke up with? Each of those words as individuals, I understand, but to put them together like that doesn't make sense to me.

He doesn't look back, his eyes remaining downcast. "I guess."

"But why are you distancing yourself from us? Because you want to me alone? So much that you'd abandon your friends? What about Kyie?" I raise a brow when she mentions me. "You were the first human she ever met! You know how attached she is to you, but you're avoiding even her!"

Avoiding me? Was he? He let me hug him earlier today. I guess he hasn't been letting me do it as much as I used to as of late, but is that avoidance?

"You wouldn't understand, Saki, even if I explained."

"Shun-"

"I'll be out of school for a while," Shun interrupts. "I have go somewhere to get a special treatment."

We both chorus, "Are you sick?"

"How do I say this…" he searches for words. "It isn't my body that's sick. I really should be going."

He steps away, but I lunge a step forward. "Where are you going?" I demand. I'm fine if he has to go away, but there is no way I'm letting him go somewhere without my knowing where to find him. "I need to know."

He shakes his head. "I don't think you'll be able to come visit. It's just some bungalow for rehabilitation."

"But where?" I push.

"Sorry, I can't tell you."

Saki goes ahead of me, her hands folded in worry. "Will you really be all alone? What about your dog?"

A faint smile makes his way onto his face. "Subaru's at home. I snuck out because I wanted to be alone.

"Isn't there anything I can do?" she cries. Shun simply doesn't respond. Within her, I see a form of determination solidify. "Shun, I have always-"

"You should know this much," he says, cutting her off again. "Remember Summer camp two years ago, where we found Kyie? We thought we were able to hide that our cantus was sealed, but we didn't."

"What do you mean?" she asks, deflating.

"I think they've known all along, but for some reason they've delayed our punishment. It's likely we've been under observation since we've returned." Saki gasps, but the meaning of this part of the conversation all but passes me by. "I don't think I have to tell you this, but be careful of the cats."

"You mean the Copycats?" Okay, I'm officially lost. Observation? What punishment? And what are CopyCats, anyway?

"Here." Ignoring her question, Shun removes a collar from around his neck and tosses it to Saki. "This is a charm against the cats. I made it."

"Subaru has the same, doesn't he?" Her comment almost makes me snicker, but the mood is too grim for that. He's giving her a dog collar? So what, is she a pet to him? Even so, my heart still pinches a little.

I look back to Shun, jaw dropping. He's smiling, as in a full, toothy grin. Even the sadness contained in his eyes is hidden behind his eyelids. Despite his actual feelings, he looks happy.

It fades as quickly as it came, and he opens his eyes and the pain is again evident. "Please let the others know. And Kyie, I'm counting on you to protect the others. You seem to have a knack for surviving, and your cantus is even better than mine."

"I...I will," I stutter, trying to process what he's saying. It sounds like a good-bye, but that can't be right. He wouldn't leave, me. I'm his mate, after all, so if he were leaving for good, he'd take me with him. Right?

He's walking away. I have to stop him. I have to make certain that he isn't leaving me behind, that he does think of me as his mate. Can't he at least make me his official mate? Won't he do that, if he is leaving?

A stubby animal comes dashing down the road, tongue lolling out of its mouth. Shun kneels and picks it up, gazing at it lovingly. At that, my breathing stops. I've never seen that expression on his face at all, much less pointed at me. Does that mean he doesn't see me as his mate? He doesn't….doesn't he like me the same way I like him? Has he ever thought that way about me?

He carries the dog with him as he walks away from us. I watch him, mouth gaping to find words that aren't coming to me. What is this feeling? Why does it feel like my heart is shriveling up inside my chest? I'm not bleeding anywhere, but why does it hurt so much? What is this?

I collapse to my knees, the edges of my sight dimming. The rich colors of the sky have somehow become overwhelming, swallowing the shrinking figure of Shun into their rage. The steady ground that has faithfully been there my entire life tilts, only the sight of it assuring me that it hasn't been pulled out from under me.

Shun...what is going through your head right now? Why are you so scared? Why are you taking your fright and bottling it, separating yourself from us? Why don't you seek safety with us?

Why are you leaving me behind?

* * *

This is significantly shorter than the other chapters have been, but this was a scene I felt I had to do. Kyie has started thinking herself distant in this situation. Shun's seclusion is chaffing away at her civilized manner that she's adapted. I think it's at this point she begins to start feeling like a bit of an outsider to humanity. And, of course, simply him separating himself from her is hurting her on its own. How would you feel if your closest friend all of a sudden pushed you away for no reason you can discern? She's growing anxious. Honestly, even I don't know how far this will go yet. I tend to write better when I start off with a set beginning and a very vague end, so not even I, the author, know what she'll end up doing at this point. We'll have to wait and see.

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	5. Chapter 5

So what's everyone doing for New Years? I'm doing absolutely nothing. None of my friends seem to be available, so I'll probably end up watching anime alone all night. Life is tragic, isn't it? Anyway, I came up with a new story idea the other day. I keep coming up with them. They come to me faster than I can write. I have so many ideas jumbled together in my brain that never get written down, so many characters that never get their time to shine. It's almost kind of sad, really. I really want to breathe life into these ideas I've created, but usually it just doesn't happen. I almost didn't go through with Kyie, because this anime is so little known. She one of the few lucky ones that gets to be expressed. There are some that I haven't gone through with that are still characters in my mind. I was going to do a fanfic using a character named Cassidy that was mentioned in my Fruits Basket fanfic, but never ended up writing it. I still count her as one of my fanfic characters, though. Is that weird?

Sometimes I wonder if these notes are too long. I'll finish this one here.

* * *

Four days. He's been gone for four days. Group one has gathered together, but one of us is missing. He's been missing since four days ago, the day Saki and I were the last to see him. _Four days._ I haven't seem him in _four days_.

"We need to go look for Shun!" Satoru insists, facing the rest of us. "It's been four days since he last came to school! Don't we all have questions about what's happening with him?"

This gains a reaction from Saki, but she doesn't speak up. Does she know something about what's going on that I don't?"

"I know, we're worried too," Maria reasons, "but what are we supposed to do? We don't even know where to look!"

"Then are we not going to do anything? If Shun's right, we've been watched ever since we got back from that trip two years back. He even warned us about the Copycats. Are you saying we should just sit here and let this continue?"

"How are they even watching us? How could they be with us all the time? Wouldn't this observation of their just be keeping a close eye on us at school? What's the big deal, then."

"Ah!" This time, Saki is clearly eager to share. "Remember? During summer, we had those hawks following us the entire time! And then there was Kiroumaru and the others. Could it be them watching us?"

"No, they wouldn't bring them within the barrier to easily," Maria points out.

"But," Saki emphasizes, "what about the hawks?"

"If that's true, then it wouldn't be surprising if that strange bug was watching us for them right now," Satoru murmurs, staring at an insect by Mamoru's feet. We all look at it, too, my stomach twisting nervously. Saki explained to me the Copycats the morning after we talked to Shun. I'm sure he could've given me a much better explanation, but her description was plenty enough to tell me they're dangerous. Giant felines that eat humans are nothing to be scoffed at.

"If we look as a group, we'd be pretty obvious," Maria states, kicking the ground. "If we're being observed, wouldn't it be safer to try not to stand out? I'm right, aren't I Mamoru?" She looks the golden eyed boy straight in the eyes, causing him to falter.

"Y-yeah."

"I'm going to look for him, whether you help me or not," Satoru declares.

"I've already been looking for him for the past few days," I admit. I've been asking around, but no one seems to have seen him. Even the people from his home village haven't seen him as of late. I would go and take a look for myself, except for the fact that I've never been to his house before. I would have no idea how to find it. "It probably would help to have a another pair of hands searching."

"I'll help, too!" Saki volunteers, her face set in the determined expression where she won't let anything stop her. Maria sighs.

"Now it looks like we're not worried about him," she protests. "I meant that we should split up, or they'll catch on to what we're doing."

Satoru agrees. "You're right. You and Mamoru will stay here and talk to the people from school, and the three of us will head over to Shun's house."

"I think it'd be less conspicuous if the group of three stays here. The less people leaving the less people will notice."

"I know, but do you think any of us will be willing to stay behind?"

Maria glances across the three of us, assessing our state of mind. "Fine, then. We'll do that. We'll wait for you at the old playground when we're finished."

We part ways, Saki and Satoru taking me to a boat floating lazily on the canal. I snarl, but step in with them anyway. I hate these boats. The feeling of water under me instead of ground makes me sick, but this is the quickest way to get to Shun. I sit in the back, Satoru in the middle and Saki in front. Satoru is the one who volunteers to steer with his cantus.

Pushing off from the side, Satoru takes us to the middle of the canal and urges us forward at a slightly faster than leisurely pace. I prop my elbow on the side of the boat and cover my mouth, staring at the water. How long will this take? How soon can I get back on land?

Saki noticed my distress, leaning to see around Satoru. "Hey, are you okay Kyie? I know you don't like boats, but please put up with it for a short while. Once we confirm Shun's okay, maybe we can walk back."

"I can stand it," I grumble, glaring at her. The first time they got me on a boat, I lost it and attacked Saki's dad. He used Cantus to calm me down, but being on the water awakens something primal in me. There's no escape except to swim. If something attacks from the water, I'm done for. That's all I can ever think about when I'm on these things.

"Look." Satoru nods to a station in front of us. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but he suggests, "Let's go around it."

"You mean walking?" Saki wonders, turning her body to look at the pseudo building taking up the center of the canal. "The main roads might be blocked if the waterways are."

"Then we can go through the forest."

To my relief, Satoru docks the boat. I'm the first off, even using cantus to boost myself onto the grass faster. From there, I assist the other two up. Satoru takes the lead, delving into the forest within the barrier. The difference between these forests and the ones I grew up in is immense. Here, the birds sing simpler tunes, the colors are much duller, and no animal produces a light of its own except lightening bugs, but I guess those aren't technically animals. Again, the odd pang in my chest returns. What I wouldn't give to go back and see those beautiful creatures. I rub the area over my heart absently, wishing the strange sensation away.

All of a sudden, the other two stop. I bring myself back to the present and realize we've run into the barrier. The clean rope stretches between the trees, warding off any adventurers of civilization. This place is off limits.

"Why is there a barrier here?" Saki asks, voice quivering.

Satoru takes a closer look. "It appears new. We'll just have to go under it." He lifts it up for us, waiting. Gulping, she hesitates. As uncaring as I am, I slip right under and look back impatiently. After a second longer, she follows my lead. Satoru is the last through and he drops the barrier back in place behind him. We're about to continue on when a rustling reaches my ears.

Holding a finger to my lips, my arm shoots out to block the other two from passing me. it happens again. I grab ahold of the other two and yank them behind a large tree, I myself crouching behind a bush. Satoru tries to glance around the trunk, but I let out a low, warning hiss, stopping him.

Careful not to make a sound, I push a bit of the bush aside so I can see in front of us. At first there's nothing to be seen, but then the movement of a solid green catches my attention. A monster rat wearing a dark green cloak turns in our direction, nose twitching. I sit absolutely still, paying attention to my breathing to keep it quiet. Saki and Satoru are loud enough already.

He scampers away, apparently missing us entirely. I allow the bush to snap back into place and stand, nodding to the other two. "A monster rat," I inform them.

"A monster rat?" Saki repeats. "Why would one of those be here?" She and Satoru share an anxious look, but I shake my head.

"Let's continue. If another one comes, we'll hide again." We don't see any others. Every now and again, I catch signs of one having been nearby, but none come close enough to cause alarm. As we continue deeper, further away from the barrier, the forest grows twisted. At first, it's faces in the trees. These faces' mouths hang open in terror, as if they'll scream or were screaming when frozen. Then we happen across thousands of white, dead moths, littering the ground like snow. After that, we come across what at first actually appears to be snow, but Satoru confirms that it's frost instead.

I lower myself, pressing my palm to the ground. Almost instantly the cold sinks into my skin and I'm reminded of the many winters I nearly froze on my own. The temperature of the ground contrasts the semi warm air, freezing to the touch.

Saki, normally quite collected, looks around in horror. "What….what happened here?"

I glower at my hand, frustrated that I don't know. I've never seen something like this. I mean, sure, there were knots in the trees that I sometimes likened to my reflection in the river when I lived out there, but none like this. The resemblance then had been vague, but now it's like that exact warped image of my face in the rushing water had hardened into wood and stood upright. Every now and again I'd come across dead moths, albeit they were much more colorful than the ones we just passed, but never on such a scale. And the frost on the ground...well, that isn't so much a mystery as the contradictory temperature of the ground is. Actually, the ground is usually a degree or two warmer than the air.

Although Saki could have been the one to lead us earlier instead of Satoru, he's the only one left to guide us now. Saki is too jumpy to be productive at the moment. When we at long last break out of the haunting forest, we're met with complete and utter ruin under the radiance of the setting sun.

Saki looks as if she's about to cry, but Satoru shushes her. "I think there're people," he whispers, pointing to a large crater. We edge our way to the drop off of the hole and peer over, some of the area closest to us blocked from view by misplaced earth. From the part that we can't see, two people walk into our view. They're headed away from us, back facing towards us. They haven't realized we're here.

"Satoru." Saki mutters. "Can you make a mirror over the hole?"

He doesn't even question her. "On it." Dust swirls from the surrounding rubble, compressing together to make a reflective surface we can see ourselves in.

"Okay, now point it down," she orders.

"I was going to do that," he mumbles as if it was obvious what she was doing. The mirror tilts, revealing to us what we can't see from this place by ourselves. The only thing of significance that reflects is the wrecked stump of a tree that once was.

Saki gasps and I jerk in surprise, having not expected such a sound from her. Even more unexpected is that water has gathered in her hazel eyes, threatening to spill.

"Shun!" She gasps again, hand flying to her mouth.

"What?" I demand. "What about him?"

"That tree….His house was built around that tree!" Satoru sits back on his feet, absorbing this in silence. I look back over at the reflection, processing. His house, around that tree? So then, that means his house…

I fling myself down the side of the crater, sliding down and keeping traction the best I can. When I'm a little more than halfway down, I lose my footing and slip, landing hard on my back. Groaning, I lie there a second before gathering my strength to sit up.

"Kyie!" Satoru hisses, his tone scolding. They both stare down at me in shock, Satoru glancing up to the people walking away to see if they noticed. Considering he doesn't duck down, they didn't. I ignore them, scrambling to my feet once my breath has returned and stumbling to the tree stump. Once there, I fall to my knees, hesitantly reaching out to touch the singed wood. This is where Shun lived. This tree was Shun's home. This tree is dead.

I press my palms to it, fingers digging into the ashes coating what's left. It can't be. Shun's home can't be destroyed, not when I've never been to it. Not when he's never welcomed me in, or introduced me to his family. Shun's home _can not_ _be gone._ I refuse to accept it.

 _Grow,_ I command it. _Grow! Go back to being the tree where Shun lived! Don't you dare let yourself rot! Grow! Damn it, Grow!_

A small creak indicates its response before the trunk begins to reform. As I watch branches spread and leaves bud, I lean back and watch in relief. As the green and red leaves unfurl, a weight lifts from my shoulders. When it looks as if it's finished, I rest my forehead against the ash covered bark and close my eyes, breathing slowly.

 _I brought your tree back, Shun. Your home is still here, so you have to come back. You have to come back and get me. Then we can rebuild whatever I didn't, and live here together. So I'm waiting, Shun. I'm looking and I'm waiting for you to come back. Won't you come? You won't leave me alone, will you?_

* * *

Poor girl. Really, it's interesting writing her because she reacts differently than most people. She doesn't have an in depth knowledge of interaction with people, so it leads her to take things overboard and misinterpret things. She just does whatever she feels like without restrictions, because that's what she's done her entire life. Who else do you think would try to regrow that tree? It was a pretty dangerous move, considering the people there could have noticed, but I think they were too far away by that point to hear anything that'd make them look back. On an unrelated note, everyone have a happy New Years! Can't wait for 2016!

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	6. Chapter 6

This is by far the longest chapter I've ever written, and I nearly split it into two. It's over 4 thousand words. I felt like this scene had to happen all at once, though. It was hard to write, honestly. Not only does this particular episode bring me to tears, but the explanation was long and necessary. I'll try to keep these author notes short due to the length of the chapter itself, so this is where I'll conclude it.

* * *

The twirling branches dancing against the burning sky looked so lonely. It's as if they saw the wasteland around them and cried to escape, reaching for the fire above them in desperation, but they never made it. They stopped too early, set roots to snare them among the dust, grew leaves that blocked even the view of the vastness they failed to achieve. The sight of the tree won't leave my head. At the time, I'd only thought of Shun, but now the shadow of the tree haunts my mind with persistence. Why did I bring it back? Why did I force it back into a world of emptiness?

"Yoshimi!" All of a sudden Saki sits upright, her eyes wide. I glance over at her. Well, it's not like I was sleeping anyway. "Why is she gone? Where did she go?"

"Who's Yoshimi?" I inquire.

There's a knock at the window and she gasps, whirling to see the shape of a person. "Saki." Gathering herself, she slams open the window. Maria flies in, colliding with Saki and knocking her on her back.

"What's wrong, Maria?"

"We were almost killed! I was terrified!" Tears sit in Maria's eyes on the verge of spilling. I sit cross legged, watching the scene before me unfold silently. Neither of them acknowledges the fact that I'm here.

"Wait, calm down. Explain this properly," Saki tells her. "Did you find something?"

Taking a deep breath, Maria slides off her and they sit up. This time, Maria gazes over at me to indicate she means to include me. "You know Shun's friends from Pinewood? None of them came today. We couldn't find anyone from Pinewood! Do you remember the inner courtyard from Harmony?"

"I don't," I sigh. Harmony is apparently the school went to before Sage Academy. I've never been in it before.

"Well, children are forbidden from going in, but Shun mentioned it before. There's an identical one in Sage Academy, so Mamoru and I decided to take a look in that one. I flew us into the courtyard. We didn't know what to expect, but it was exactly as Shun said! There were just storage containers. They weren't see through, but Mamoru and I pressed our ears against one. Something inside it growled! The door opened right then and we had to hide, but one of the adults said something about a 'tainted' cat. We didn't see who they were, but we heard Teacher's voice!"

"And... then?" Saki urges. I stifle a yawn, not really interested.

"They said 'we have to settle this before he becomes a Karmic Demon!" Her words successfully put an end to my drowsiness. A Karma Demon? Now, that is a bit interesting. "And after that, they opened the storage containers and took out two creatures the size of lions! They took them away using their cantus, but Saki!" She pauses, her face frozen in panic. "Kyie! Our teacher said it was such a pity! He said that he was such a promising student! They said Shun Aonuma!"

My breath catches in my throat, but only for a second before I force myself to inhale. Shun? Shun's becoming a Karmic Demon? I stare at the sheets under me, speechless. What does this mean? Shun's a Karmic Demon? What does that even mean? I've heard the stories, I've read the text, but Shun? Yes he's powerful, but I am more so. Shouldn't I be the Karmic Demon? Why him? Just what is going on? I grab my hair and cling to it, growling in frustration.

"Kyie?"

My eyes come back into focus and I realize that Maria has gone. Saki's changed her clothes and thrown things across the floor, as if packing for something. The collar given to her by Shun rests around her neck.

"What are you doing?" I ask, voice coming out guttural and strained.

"I'm going to look for Shun again." She sorts through the piles of things, trying to decipher what would be best to bring. "Are you coming? Cause if not I'll go alone."

I hurry to throw on one of her dresses. "I'm coming."

"Good, then let's get going." She steps up to her window, utters few words, and jumps. She uses her cantus to slow her fall, but she isn't as skilled as Maria. She can't hover like she can. I trail after her, but don't bother to slow my fall. It's only the second floor. I land crouched on the ground before straightening. Saki stares at me for a moment, but shakes it off and motions for me to follow.

She takes me to a boat and I grimace. Not this again. Still, I let her coax me on and we push from the sides, the boat darting down the canal faster than ever before. Actually, the speed makes me feel quite a bit safer. The darkness helps, too, of course. My heart stays calm until she slows down, having come to the station we saw earlier today. A light illuminating the deck suggests a person's presence. She flips up a hood and draws us close to the station's side. Somehow, she manages to even quiet her obnoxiously loud breathing as we sit motionless. A light passes us by, and she pushes us on, coming to the barrier. We both duck low, having barely passed the barrier when a clanging rings out over the water. I flip my body to see if we're caught, but the light shines on a floating piece of driftwood that's caught on the barrier. We continue on.

When we finally dock, she lights a torch. Shadows are cast, long and looming in every direction. From there, we begin the walk into the forest. Where we're going, I don't know. I'm unfamiliar with this area, and we're not going in the same direction as this afternoon.

The wind whispers by us. I'm used to this, but Saki obviously isn't. She tenses, glancing over her shoulder in unease. She meets my eyes before taking another step forward. Her foot hits a fallen branch and she pauses again, leaning down to pick it up. When she straightens, she stares at it for a second. I scoff, shaking my head. That's not going to protect her from anything. Maybe if it were sturdier, and fresh, but it is neither.

A gust of wind picks up abruptly, putting out the torch. Goosebumps rise on my arm in the seconds it takes for her to relight it, and then my heart stops. A beast as tall as my chest stands but a few feet away, as black as the shadows and as sleek as water. Its eyes glow crimson red in the night. I'm instantly reminded of the creatures outside the barrier that I grew up with, but this is different. There's a clear air of bloodlust wafting from it, and it prey is us.

I spread my feet and hunch my shoulders, growling in challenge. To my surprise, it doesn't meet it. It takes one look at me and lunges towards Saki, deeming her the easier target. She only has time to gasp before the beast has closed its jaws around her neck.

Or, the collar around her neck. She falls limp as the beast lifts her, but not dead. She's gone still in fear. I, too, freeze until the crack of her collar caving jerks me back into reality. I launch myself at the feline, arm swinging around its neck and yanking it back. It snarls and twists in an attempt to grab me or throw me off, but I tighten my grip and bite into its neck. Howling, it bucks once more and I let myself be flung to the ground, well away from where the creature stands. I immediately return to my feet, spitting the blood and oily fur from my mouth. I'm about to attack again when it rushes Saki once more. This time, though, she's prepared. She chants something under her breath and the beast spirals around itself unnaturally, landing in a heap. We're both silent for a moment, watching for any signs of life. There are none.

The collar from Shun, heavily damaged by the cat, breaks from Saki's neck and falls to the ground. We both watch it, disappointed. Even if it wasn't to me, it was something from Shun. Now it too is gone.

It's apparent Saki is about to collapse, so I clutch her arm and pull her along. "We don't have time to waste," I insist. She nods in agreement, picking up her pace and retaking the lead.

As we go deeper the darkness grows thicker, until all of the sudden it's as bright as day. Neither of us mention this to each other, taking it as a sign that we're getting closer to the Karmic Demon that is Shun. Water gradually appears in the landscape around us, a surreal white instead of the typical clear or muddy brown. We absorb our environment without resistance, accepting each unusual new thing as we come across it.

The amount of land soon pales to the expanses of white water that grow bigger the farther we go. We travel by the thin strips of land connecting larger islands when possible, but end up clambering over multitudes of fallen trees covered with moss. The forest around us is made of black bark, void of leaves except for the canopy at the very top that blocks out the night sky. Every now and again I catch glimpses of the stars, which can be seen as clear as on a pitch black night even with the light borrowed from the sun during its absence.

I come to a halt after nearly running into a shimmering web, only to see a deformed spider limp along its threads. A splash my Saki's feet draws our attention to a giant, swimming insect with the legs of a lizard.

"Mutants," she murmurs, expression saddened. We push on, the black trees fading into white, the splashes our feet make when touching the water turning into white flower petals and floating away. I watch as one lands back on the water and melts into it as if it never left. But then, the water isn't water anymore. It's a empty fog that swallows whatever its fed. Even though my feet still have sensation, every time I set my foot down I become worried that when I raise my leg, my foot will no longer be there.

"Shun." I turn to Saki, whose gaze is as if she doesn't know where to put it. " Where are you?"

The fog water ripples in response, the petals splashing up on their own. Somewhere, I don't know why I can't tell where, there's an imprint of a body. Although I can see it, my eyes won't settle and I cannot pinpoint where. My heart begins to race, the feeling frightening. What is this?

"Saki." My eyes widen at the sound of Shun's voice. "Why are you here?"

"Shun! Shun, where are you!" I cry, twirling in place. Where is his voice coming from?"

He reacts to my presence in the same as he had Saki's. "You as well, Kyie. Why have you come?"

Saki mutters, "I don't know."

"We came to find you, of course!" I answer. "Where are you, Shun? Why can't I see you?"

"Shun?" Saki's gaze finally finds where to look and she starts to run. I follow her direction and see a wooden shape of a human. "Shun!"

"You shouldn't be here! Go home!" I gasp, shocked. I've never heard him be angry before. He's never raised his voice, or scolded me, or scolded anyone! Saki is pushed back by an invisible force, and I feel a wall form between me and the wooden figure.

"No!" she screams.

"We won't!" I persist, shoving back on his cantus and shattering the wall. Saki struggles out of her jacket, which was apparently what he was using to pull her away.

"Tell us what's going on!" she pleads. "We won't leave until you do!" Her voice quivers as she repeats his name over and over, and the water ripples as it recieves her tears. "We were almost killed, Shun. Kyie and I were nearly killed!"

And then he appears. Out of thin air, no different than an apparition, he appears. I cover my mouth, my eyes beginning to burn. On his face is a mask of white. Its eyes are but slits of black, as is the mouth, and it covers his entire face. From this angle, I can barely see his long black hair around it. I hate it. Why does he have to wear it? Why can I not see his face again? Please, Shun, take it off!

"You met a cat?" he asks.

Saki nods. "Your charm stopped it, though."

"Ten minutes," he tells us after a pause. "You two can stay for ten minutes. I'll explain to you what I can in that time frame." He takes both of our hands and pulls us from the white and into a forest once again green with moss. The black sky wavers with streaks of vibrant light, drawing our gazes to it. To my disdain, it is then he releases our hands. A house appears through the floating streams of light and he faces us. "Come in."

I take a step to do so, finding myself walking across water of a deep blue. Even so, I quicken my pace and go to him, Saki not a step behind me. Glass balls like those from that one afternoon litter the floor, many more than he had before.

"I think I can control it for ten minutes," he reasons to himself. The balls hover into the air under his command.

"Take off the mask," I request.

"I can't," he retorts. A few of the glass orbs wobble. "We don't have time. Where should I start from?"

"What's going on," Saki repeats herself. She asks the one question that everyone in group one has been wondering. Will he give us an answer?

"Our consciousness is only the tip of the iceberg," he begins. "The subconscious below is much, much bigger. Humans can't control our thoughts and feeling, no matter how hard we try. Our subconscious holds what even our consciousness is unaware of. Cantus is a tangible manifestation of such. Normally, actions from the subconsciousness must go through the consciousness to be put into effect. Reasoning can stop this wanted action from taking place, or doing damage. Cantus, however, isn't always blocked by reason."

"But, isn't cantus used by picturing things in a specific way? Isn't that a conscious action?" Saki argues.

"That is true," Shun concedes, "but there are also images kept in the subconsciousness. No one considers this, though. Hypnosis and mantras keep cantus under control, but when the day is done some of our subconsciousness can leak through. Cantus is always leaking out. Basically, we're changing the world around us without realizing it or wanting to."

"That can't-" Shun interrupts Saki's denial.

"What do you think the barrier is for, Saki? What about you, Kyie? Do you think it protects us from the threats outside?"

"Well, doesn't it?" she wonders.

"It feels more like a cage," I mention. "Something like that doesn't keep things out. It doesn't even have thorns."

"Correct, Kyie. It deals with internal threats, not external. It keeps our leaking cantus from affecting us. Karma Demons, Fiends, we ultimately fear what spawns from within us. What leaks out is minute, however, and won't cause damage overnight, but over an extended period of time there's no telling what it does. So, in result, we cast it outwards. We've always been taught to be afraid of what's beyond the barrier. However, it's just our own dark subconsciousness that causes that obscure universe. Since our fears are directed out there, we imagine what might be out there instead of in here. We send our unconscious thoughts outside of it."

"Well, then what happens outside the barrier?"

"Isn't that easy?" I say. "Things warp. I bet those animals that glow are part of it, since there are none of them in here, am I right? Any rumors spread with uncertainty will become real because people dream of it."

"Whether or not that's true, it doesn't matter!" she tries to write it off. "We just...I just want to know what's happening with you!"

A strange growling gets us to turn. Its teeth are jagged, rocks protruding from its back, and its skin shining as if metal, but I instantly recognize it as the dog from four days ago that Shun had been carrying. That little monster is Subaru!

Shun extends his hand to it. "Don't worry," he tells us. His voice has a new sound to it, a tone that I've never heard before. What is it? There is no name I've learned to match with it. "It's just Subaru. Come here, boy." The monster licks his master's hand just as any dog would, not heeding any mind to its body that has changed to drastically. I look over at Saki and her her lips turned upwards in a smile, but I am not smiling. I don't know why I feel this way, but something about this dog's transformation is so unbearably...sad.

"None of this...I really...didn't want to do any of this," Shun chokes out. I don't see the tears, but the tone of his voice is as if he's crying. It's as if he's sobbing without comfort. "Do you get it now? All of this is my doing. My cantus won't stop leaking out. It's getting worse, and my control over it is weakening. My subconsciousness is running wild, and I can't stop it! Everything I come near to gets warped." The marbles are visibly quaking, threatening to drop at this point. It's called Hashimoto-Appelbaum Syndrome. I'm...a Karmic Demon."

"No, that...that can't…" Saki stutters, unable to finish her sentence. "Can't we do something to reverse this? Can't you have one of the monks seal your cantus?"

"They've tried, but my cantus is like a jar with a broken lid. It's doubtful anything can stop it. You two have to leave. If I lose my concentration on these wasp balls, I don't know what will happen. It's all I can do to keep my cantus off of the two of you."

"But I couldn't-" He stops me.

"You have to! I've already killed both of my parents because of this! I can't stand to see anyone I love die!"

"So what?" I sniff, my nose suddenly runny. "What? You're going to die? Alone? I can't let that happen!"

"I won't be alone," he assures me. "I have Subaru, don't I? I've tried to leave him behind so many times, but he just keeps following me. There's nothing I can do about him, but you have to leave, Kyie! I couldn't stand to see either of you die."

"I can't do anything," Saki mutters, "to help you." Tears overflow in her eyes. She begins to walk towards the doorway, her steps teetering at best.

"So what? You're just going to leave him? I thought...I thought you liked Shun, Saki! Can't you at least stay with him until he dies? Or better yet, why don't you die with him? Or do you want him to only have his dog with him when he passes?"

"Kyie." Shun's voice is warning, but I ignore it.

"I'm not leaving! I don't care if there's nothing I can do to fix it, but I will not leave you on your own! I won't….I won't leave you alone, Shun." I hiccup, wetness streaming down my cheeks.

And then glass shatters and a beast similar to the one that attacked Saki and me leaps through the broken window. It's target is Shun, and he doesn't move from its path. From behind me, I hear the whispers of Saki's mantra.

"No, Saki!" Shun commands. She immediately stops and we watch, tears on both of our faces, as the creature closes in on Shun. And then a ball of rock and metal flies at its face and knocks it off course.

Subaru wrestles with the cat, but not for long before he's tossed aside, motionless. The dozens of balls hovering in the air all drop at once as Shun looks upon the corpse of his dog. With a swipe of his hand, the cat is jerked into the air and kept there, slowly turning from a furry beast into purple glass.

"He was just trying to protect me. It's not the cat's fault, because he came here simply because he was ordered to kill me. If I hadn't hesitated, this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have had to suffer like this. If I had just done what was needed in the first place...GO!" Shun gasps, scooping up his beloved pet. The house has begun to shake, colors of all sorts consuming the wood. "This is what happened when my house was destroyed. Please, just go! I can't see anyone else die!"

Saki begins to fly back at the only open area left, with some sort of material wrapping about the house. I don't budge, however. My feet are glued in place as I stare at Shun cradling Subaru's body in his arms. How could I leave him? How could I leave him to die all on his own like this? I can't see it due to the hideous mask that separates us, but he's crying. Underneath that white and black mask he's shedding tears. Tears of pity for himself. How could I leave him like this?

"Go," he orders me, his voice this time small.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. What could I say at a time like this? It isn't even a second later that I'm flung backwards, out of the house. I land on a soft spot of moss surrounded by the white water as the house is swallowed by the mass surrounding it, crunching inward.

Tears spill from the side of my face onto the ground around me as I lay, silent in the deformed world that is the last mark of Shun's existence.

* * *

I'm having a hard time rewatching this series because it makes me so sad. Really, I've never had a problem like this before. Just knowing what will come next makes me hesitant to watch it again, because I know it'll make me cry. The writer of this story was an absolute genius in storytelling, to convey emotions so real. It might be a bit of a problem if it makes it hard to go through again, though. I miss Shun! He was by favorite character by far! I just know when I get around to watching the rest of the episodes I'll be curled up on my bed with my head in my pillow. Anyway,

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


	7. Chapter 7

This will be my last update for a while. Yes, that means I'm dropping this one. It's true that I write for myself, but I also write for you guys. Otherwise, why would I post on this site? This story isn't getting the reactions I was hoping it would. I'm going to try writing something a bit on the lighter side, since it's been awhile. My stories tend to take on darker tones, so I'm attempting something different. I'm not exactly sure how it'll go, but it's already getting more attention than this one. For the one or two people who may be following this one, sorry. I do hope I'll be able to pick it back up in the future. Maybe if I ever make a name for myself on this website, although that would take time and effort.

Enjoy the chapter, then. It's the last one for now.

* * *

The world has gone skew. Nothing is out of place as far as I can tell, but it's like something is missing. I almost feel as if I'm forgetting something, something vital to my survival. It's been quite a while since I've felt like this. I used to get this same feeling when I would forget a snake nest I discovered and venture close to it, or I forgot about clouds in the distance that preluded a storm. I always feel this way whenever there's something I know I need to know, but it slips from my mind. For the life of me, though, I can't remember what it was I'm forgetting. It's seriously irritating me.

"Are...we going to get ready?" Saki yawns, sitting up in bed. I glance over at her to find her gaze unfocused and her brows furrowed in confusion. "We have school today...don't we?" Her words are uncertain, as if she already knows but is looking for confirmation. It's like she _needs_ the confirmation to solidify it.

I sit up as well, facing the window to the outside and withholding a snarl. What is it that's missing? The sun shines brightly as it creeps its way up from the horizon, the sky around it a comfortable pale pink and orange, but it different from normal. Somehow, it is, but not in any way I can see. First closing around the sheets, I throw them off of me and swing my feet to touch the floor.

"Yeah, we do."

My assurance jolting her into motion, today she follows my lead and dresses. As she runs brushes out her hair, I only run my fingers through my own. Purposely, I snag on tangles and yank at my skull. Every now and again that works, but the pain isn't awakening any memories today. Perhaps this unsettled feeling today is false. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I find it strange that I haven't felt it in so long, so my mind is sensing that something off wrong when it's actually not. Could that maybe be it?

At breakfast, Saki barely picks at her food. Even I, who usually gulps down everything I'm served before anyone else can get halfway done, eat with caution. If this feeling isn't justified, I have nothing to be afraid of, but it's existance in me at this moment still stirs in me a fear that's long been laced in my blood. I won't be calm unless I take precautions. Time will tell me if this is an imminent danger, so until it evaporates, I'll take steps to remain what people call 'sane'.

Saki's gaze is locked on the ground as we walk to school. I observe her silently, opening my mouth only after we've almost arrived. "Saki, is something wrong?"

She jumps, then slowly lifts her head to look at me. "Mmm, no. I don't think so. What would be wrong?"

"How should I know?" I shake my head. But the expression on her face is baffled, screaming to me that something's not right. Could she be feeling the same thing I'm feeling? But didn't I decide that feeling wasn't real? So it can't be that, can it?

Maria and Mamoru join us at the entrance, the red-head as lively as ever and Mamoru his usual quiet self. _See?_ I tell myself. _Nothing's out of the ordinary._

"Were you waiting here for us?" Saki asks as Maria snuggles her from behind.

"Yup! I saw Satoru and Ryou go in earlier, but I thought I'd wait for you," she giggles. "Too bad Ryou didn't wait, right? I bet you're wishing it was him who was standing out here for you."

Ryou...Ryou…

All of the sudden, a face flows into my mind tagged with that name. Memories with him flash by my eyes, filling in a blank I wasn't aware of when I woke up. He was the person to find me, wasn't he? The person I'd been clinging onto for the past two years, the person I got angry over when he showed an interest in Saki or Satoru. He's the person that is destined to be my mate. How could I forget something like that? How could I forget someone so dear and important to me?

"Ryou?" Saki interrupts my internal scolding. "Isn't he in group two?"

Then those memories shake, as if actual items. They blur, but only for a moment before coming back into focus. I gasp, but low enough that no one hears. What? That was….what?

"Did you leave your memory in your dream last night?" Maria feigns worry. "That was forever ago! He transferred to our group before that summer trip two years ago!"

We enter the classroom where Satoru talks to someone with their back turned to us. He notices us over the person's shoulder and points us out. When they turn, their face clearly matches the one I had in mind for Ryou. My heart rate quickens and I'm about to rush towards him, when I pause. Why didn't I recognize him from behind? Shouldn't I know what he looks like by now, front and back?

"Kyie!" he calls, grinning. "Where's my morning hug?" I stare at his light brown hair and pale green eyes, unsure. Were his eyes always so dull? I remember them being vibrantly green, like the new leaves in spring, not like the grass when sapped of water. His hair, too….It's almost like it should be darker. And when, if ever, has he initiated my tackling him in the morning? But this is undoubtedly the image of him, so why do I imagine that he should be different?

His smile falls, his eyes gaining a hint of worry. "Kyie?"

And why didn't I remember him when I woke up? Why was there a hole in my memory? _A hole in my memory_. This wasn't just me forgetting something. This was an entire person scooped from my mind. That doesn't just happen!

Stupid! I'm such an idiot! Could the feeling be false? How could I ever think such a thing? My instincts have _never_ failed me before, so how could I doubt them when they're warning me with all they have? And right now, with this person in my sights, they're flaring up more than before. Who...who is this person? This can't be the person who found me in the wild, the person I wanted as a mate. These memories tell me that he is, but my instincts are shrieking that he _can't_ be. Why do I contradict myself? Why am I remembering things that _never_ _happened_?

As I recall our first meeting, a new face flashes before vanishing just as quick as it came. A new face, but a face that causes my heart to swell with familiarity. At that moment it's like it all shatters.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I collapse, clutching my head and pulling hard at my hair. No! This doesn't work! This shouldn't be happening! It's unnatural! Why? Why can't I remember him? Why is this boy replacing him in my memory? What's going on with me? And why doesn't anyone else seem to realize he's gone?

 _He's gone._ My screams come to an abrupt stop, my eyes snapping wide. _He's….gone._

"Kyie!" "Kyie!" "Kyie!" The name tumbling from so many people's lips is directed at me, but I don't respond. Kyie...is that even my name? If I could forget the face, the _name_ of the person I loved, what's to say the name I thought I chose myself was implanted as well. What's to say it isn't fake? And what about me being human? Could they have manipulated that, too? No, he told me I was, that we were both human. He didn't lie to me. I _know_ he told me the truth. And now he's gone. _Gone. And left me alone._

I burst to my feet, knocking two people aside, but I don't care who they are. From the room I bolt, out of the school and into the forests. _Where? Where has he gone to? He's gone, but gone_ where _? And how do I find him when I can't remember his face or name, or even his smell? What did his voice sound like? How did he smile, again?_

 _He's gone._

I fall to my knees, disturbing a squirrel nearby and causing him to dash off. I see. I get it. He's gone. He hasn't gone anywhere, or abandoned me intentionally. He's gone. As in, no longer here, no longer in any place where I can reach. He's just...gone. Like he never existed at all.

Something falls down the sides of my face as my fists pound the ground, cursing it and screaming. Soon, however, my hands shake too much to obey me and they fall into my lap uselessly. Breathing choppy, I begin to hiccup as water drips from my chin.

 _Why? Why are you gone? How can I find you, please, tell me! Without you here….without you I'm all alone. What's the point in living if you, my only mate, is gone? What good am I without you?_

Heaving, I wrap my arms around my torso in a death grip and touch my forehead to the ground before me. My entire frame shivers as sobs escaped my mouth in spurts, mucus running down my face similarly to the tears.

 _Come back! Please, come back to me! Tell me it was only temporary and come back like nothing happened. Please! What do I do?_

I don't know when, but eventually my cries soften until I'm only sniffling. I let myself slump onto my side and stare ahead blankly. The forest is quiet around me, so unlike the forests I know. No river can be heard, no birds sing to their chicks, no crickets chirp to lull me to sleep. It's just silent. It's just dead.

And then there's a cat. A large, black cat with hooves instead of paws, and eyes that glow red in the shade of the trees. Its bloodlust rolls evident in the air as it struts towards me like a shadow. It's as if it were death itself, come to greet me. Come to devour me.

It leaps aiming to come down on my neck, but I push myself farther under it and it latches onto an arm instead. Barely realizing the injury, I grab its neck and yank it down, sinking my teeth into it jugular. It can't even howl in pain, sputtering up blackish red blood. I bite down harder, putting all the force I can behind it before ripping away with a giant chunk of its neck.

As its blood spills onto my face I think how much better this is compared to cantus. Cantus doesn't require effort, so it can't relieve stress. This, however, does both of those.

The beast falls the ground beside me, twitching as it suffocates and bleeds to death at the same time. Forcing its jaw open, I remove my arm from its teeth. For a moment, I just stare at the bright red punctures on my arm. Then I slip off my shoes and tie my socks around the wound. Taking one last look at the feline, I rip a incisor from its mouth as a trophy. If I have this as proof, I'll know I did it in the future. This memory is not fake. This tooth will serve as my evidence.

I push to my feet, shoving them back into the shoes and turn. This is the way I came, shown by the break in twigs and the upset foliage. It is not just my imagination, but I really did come from this direction. I retrace my steps, wiping the beast's blood from my face the best I can. When I get back to the Watanabe's, I should probably take a bath. Humans don't like it when one is covered in dirt, and they dislike the sight of blood even more. I shouldn't upset them more than I already have.

* * *

This chapter was a little violent, but I really wanted to see her take one of those cats before I stop writing her. I seem to enjoy writing painful scenes like this, which is a tad worrisome. I guess it's that I like expressing such powerful emotions. There's a chance I won't end up picking this one up again, so I think I'll mark it as complete for now. It is an ending of sorts, and it's not like I know where to go from here. I may or may not have mentioned before that it's hard for me to rewatch this series because it makes me so sad, and that's part of the reason I'm not continuing this for now. Perhaps I'll have a breakthrough, an eureka moment, and come back to this story with renewed vigor, but that's only a maybe. Only time will tell, my friends.

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!


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